May the tenth

10 May
So a year’s gone by and what can I say? Pretend I haven’t missed you every day?
So much I’d have shared and not despaired cos I know you’d have cared so genuinely.
So many times that I’ve thought, you’d have loved this. Or, you’d have hated this. Or, best of all for keeping me sane, you’d have laughed at me for this late-night dread and told me to shut up and go to bed.
Dear friend, it’s harder without you and it hurts my head to think there are so many here who never met you. Everyone who did can never forget you. And I don’t regret you being such a huge part, even though to remove you then ripped me apart. It was worth it. You taught me how to grab hold of life and live in the now; to think about God and his word and go ‘wow’; to always press on and further in, and aim to learn from everything.
And what I miss is a time and a place and that attitude with which we ran the race. But the great thing is, it’s still in here – in my head and my heart sometimes so clear, when I’m thinking straight it’s plain to hear; I think like you. Whatever I do, there in my brain the way you thought is deeply ingrained. And I thank God for that, cos without you there I’d never stay sane.
Still, I wish you were here. I want to tell you so much, I even want you to laugh at my crutch and banter me mercilessly for being a cripple. It’s absurd that today, my calendar tells me you’re twelve months away. Bro, while you’re now in the place my soul longs for, I don’t know how long I have to go on for, but it’s only grace and unfailing love keeping me on my feet. And I know that by that same grace I won’t admit defeat. So until the glorious day we meet, I miss you, and thank you, and save me a seat.

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