Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey

6 Sep
– lots of it has gone past. Quite a lot of things I may normally have commented upon have happened, but due to lack of internet until now, I have not. It’s now far too late to write about them all. So I’ll do some kind of Channel Five News 60 Second run-down…
Woman Moves House to Centre of Town
"I can cycle to the station in four minutes", claimed the jubilant woman (24). She also mentioned the local geese and riverside living. However, sources suggest that after a month, she is still unpacking, misses her cat, and dropped a wardrobe down the stairs. She declined to comment.
An Unending Cycle!
Two inexperienced cyclists were in for a shock when they attemped to cycle from Oxford to Reading to raise money for the charity Latin Link. Whilst trying to take a short cut, they ended up lost inside Didcot Power Station and could not get out through the heavily secured gates. "A foreman came and directed us out eventually," said one of the cyclists (24), "but it cost us about an hour!" They had expected the ride to take three hours, but did not realise that they were unfit and unable to read a map, and finally finished in over six hours. We bet they’re glad that chain of events didn’t put the brakes on things!
The Sound of 22,000 Hands Clapping
August took Mel (24) to the Soul Survivor festival for work / herding the youth group. The most mud ever. A strong dislike of camping. Sleep deprivation. A cold. But… to be in the midst of thousands of passionate teenagers going crazy for Jesus was probably worth it – what is the sound of 22,000 hands clapping? Mel says that she heard it, and was not unmoved.
Can’t Park Woman Drives Across Country
A woman renowned for her inability to parallel park a car has successfully driven across Northern Ireland. Sources suggest that at no point was there any crashing, or failed parallel parking, although a close personal friend revealed that bay parking seemed to present an insurmountable challenge. "I had to do it to get to Matt’s wedding," claimed the noble driver, who next month will leap through a ring of fire to attend the christening of her nephew. In other news, Northern Ireland is reputed to be dramatic, beautiful and ridiculously hospitable, even in the rain. Except for Portrush, the seaside "home of tat".
Travel News
Mel made a fleeting trip to London last weekend, for the second wedding in as many weeks, where she had a jolly good time and listened to the best best man’s speech of her considerable experience. At the last minute, she stayed with Fran, Fergus and Natasha, and now owes them a pint / emergency bed at some point. The tube service was running without delays and reunited her with Leggy and Ella of the Bristol Posse, which was another good surprise. Cycling has taken a blow this week, when Spike the Bike was found to have been vandalised by an incompetent bike thief, in his own front garden. He is now making a full recovery, thanks to the good people of Beeline Bicycles.
And finally…
Have you ever seen the Beast of Bodmin? Heard the Wailing Woman of Woking? Well, one household in central Oxford is convinced they can hear a centaur in their back garden. Mr Thomas (22) claims the mythical creature can be heard galloping up the patio every few nights. "I told him he was crazy, and that it was probably just cats wearing shoes," said his long-suffering housemate and psychologist Mel (24), "but he seems to be convinced. It’s best to humour him, really."

One Response to “Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey”

  1. Simon 06/09/2008 at 10:20 pm #

    Must be the first time ‘Mr. Thomas’ and ‘humour’ have been mentioned in the same breath!

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