Like your face!

17 Aug

You always think up a witty retort far too late. Or I do anyway. Once the moment has passed, it’s no running half-way down the street and shouting, “You might call it dedication to a CLAUSE!” to someone who left five minutes ago. When they turn around, cup a hand to their ear and shout back, “What?” you just look like an idiot.

Sometimes it’s the other way around. Yesterday the train home was full, so I sat up on the luggage rack with my baggage, perched up there quite neatly like a train budgie, riding the rattles at the Didcot points system. Listening to some music, alternately spying on what people were reading and staring out at the countryside, I felt like the Queen of the Train. I became convinced that the ticket guy was going to pass through the carriage and tell me off. “Excuse me,” he would say, “I’ll have to ask you not to sit there for health and safety reasons.” I was entirely prepared to reply, “It’s all right, I’m a grown-up. I am prepared to take responsibility for my own ability to balance.” I was looking forward to it.

The ticket guy eventually came through the train, checked my ticket and said nothing. I was actually disappointed. It would have been a good anecdote. Unlike this.

I was going to supplement this with a collection of pointless health and safety signs. But these are funnier.


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